THE DEAD
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SOMETIME IN MAY, DATE AND TIME LOST TO ME
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ive been sick - like the same sick i get every summer. it’s awful. it’s painful. for four days i couldn’t leave my bed. full of phlegm and heartache. i’ve been running on robitussin and blue gatorade and i have watched every youtube video ever. i’m better now. trying to get back on track. i will be back soon. don’t think i forgot.
I BURIED MY ANGER IN A HOLLOW PART OF ME
UNDER A BLANKET OF SHYNESS.
BUT ALL THE TIME I THINK ABOUT
WHAT IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE
TO BE AN
ANIMAL.
VICIOUS RABID FERAL.
LAST SUMMER I TOOK MY GRANDFATHERS SHOTGUN DEEP INTO THE HILLS OF SOUTHERN OHIO
I TORE THROUGH A PATH OF FELLED TREES AND THROGUH SWARMS OF MOSQUITOS AND HORSEFLYS, JUST TO LINE UP EMPTY BOTTLES OF COORS AND SHOOT THEM DOWN.
ON MY WAY BACK HOME I CAME FACE TO FACE WITH A DEER.
A BIG, STRONG, BEAUTIFUL BUCK.
PAW WOULD HAVE CALLED ME A SISSY IF HE KNEW, BUT I
LOWERED THE BARREL AND JUST STOOD THERE.
ME AND THE BUCK
BLINKING AT EACH OTHER
IN PERFECT SILENCE WAITING FOR THE OTHER TO RUN
I DON’T REMEMBER HOW LONG WE STOOD THERE.
there are things happening in my life that are too big to be put into words right now
if my heart gets any fuller it’s going to explode.
this week i’ve graduated college with a bfa in art education
i’ve gone to a show with friends i’ve had since seventh grade
and i’ve held my granmothers hand and counted the freckles on my baby cousins face.
i swear each summer she has more freckles than the last.
and if you drew a line between all of them like a connect the dots puzzle you’ll see
a map of all the places my family has lived.
V came up from new york and slept in my bed. sitting next to her in the car makes me feel like i’m seventeen again. i miss her all the time.
they finished building my grandmothers house in my parents backyard. i sat with her on the couch for a while and we watched daytime television.
she kept telling me i looked so pretty and she slipped 50 dollars into my pocket before i left. i put it back into her purse when she was sleeping.
I THINK I’M STARTING TO LIVE ONLY IN MEMORIES
ITS ALL TELEVISION STATIC AND DISCREPANCIES IN RADIO TRANSMISSION
I THINK YOU’RE SAYING SOMETHING TO ME BUT I CAN’T MAKE OUT YR FACE.
THE OTHER DAY I ALMOST CALLED MY BROTHER.
BUT IM TOO MUCH OF A SISSY TO TELL HIM I MISS HIM.
THE LAST TIME I SAW MY BROTHER
WAS THE SUMMER OF 2019
AT DEBBIES HOUSE.
I WATCHED HIM EAT TWO WHOLE PLATES OF RIBS BEFORE HE SAID ANYTHING TO ME.
THAT WAS THE SAME SUMMER I TOOK A TAB OF ACID IN THE KROGER PARKING LOT.
THE BOYS BOUGHT CIGARS AND FIREWORKS AND
THEY PUT US IN THE BACKSEAT OF THE CAR.
AND WE DROVE FAST TO THE HOUSE DOWN BY THE RIVER AND
I TALKED TO YOU ALL NIGHT.
IN THE MORNING I SAT ON THE LEVEE AND WATCHED THE BARGES CARRY COAL UP THE RIVER
I STARTED DRAWING MAPS ONLY I KNOW HOW TO READ.
I’LL BE HERE WHEN YOU NEED ME
BUT I’M HERE WHEN YOU DON’T NEED ME, TOO
I WONDER IF ALL YR TEETH HAVE ROTTED OUT OF YR MOUTH YET.
IT’S BEEN THREE YEARS SINCE THE FIRST ONE GOT KNOCKED OUT.
AND YOU LOOKED LIKE A LITTLE HALLOWEEN PUMPKIN
SITTING ON YOUR MOMS COUCH.
YOU SMILED ALL THE TIME THEN.
SPENDING THE WEEKEND IN MY BEDROOM AGAIN.
SLEEPIN THRU THE DAYS.
DOING LAUNDRY AND DRINKING WINE AND WRITING SONGS ABOUT YOUR SHOES.
IT’S NOT ALL THAT BAD.
THE SUMMER IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
BUT IT FEELS LIKE THE COLD AIN’T NEVER GOING AWAY.
I’M STARTING TO MISS THINGS THAT ARENT GONE YET.
MY DIRTY LAUNDRY IS PILING UP AND TWISTING ITSELF INTO A SHAPE I CANT RECOGNIZE
BUT IT REMINDS ME OF YOU
AND YOU REMIND ME OF THE SUMMERTIME WHEN IT RAINS HARD AND HEAT LIGHTNING
LIGHTS UP MY BEDROOM AND THE AIR SMELLS LIKE SALT AND HONEYSUCKLE.
AND HEAT LIGHTNING REMINDS ME OF JULY.
AND THE SUMMER OF 2019.
HOT AND SWEET AND MEAN AND UGLY.
I USED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT SAID HE HELD ALL KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL.
AND THAT GOD HAD GIVEN IT TO HIM, AND THAT GOD GAVE ME SOMETHING TOO.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE MEANT, BUT I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.
SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE IM A CAR ON FIRE AND ALL PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO DO IS
STAND THERE ON THE SIDEWALK AND HOPE
SOMEONE ELSE WILL CALL THE AMBULANCE.
I USED TO THINK YOUR SOUL KNEW MINE.
TRULY. IN THE PUREST WAY.
BUT NOW IM NOT SO SURE.
YOU ALREADY TOLD ME BUT YOU CAN TELL ME AGAIN IF YOU WANT TO
YOU CAN SHOW ME WHERE IT HURTS.
I NEVER SLEEP UNDER A FULL MOON. I DON’T THINK YOU DO EITHER.
I’VE BEEN READING TOO MUCH RICHARD SIKEN AND I THINK IT’S MAKING ME GO CRAZY.
I GOT LOCKED OUT OF MY APARTMENT FOR TWO HOURS TODAY.
I SAT AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS AND STARED AT THE WALL UNTIL MY ROOMMATE CAME HOME.
I MISSED THE BUS.
I COULDN’T GET THE WORDS OUT.
I SAW A RABBIT IN MY BASEMENT.
I TOOK MY MEDICINE TWICE.
I DIALED YOUR PHONE NUMBER. I DIDN’T CALL.
I DID TWO LOADS OF LAUNDRY.
I SHOWERED TWICE.
I LOOKED AT YOUR SISTERS FACEBOOK PAGE
AND NONE OF IT MADE ME FEEL ANYTHING.
I GUESS I’LL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.
I KEEP FALLING ASLEEP WITH THE LIGHTS ON.
AND WAKING UP TO THE SOUND OF A CD SKIPPING
AND IN MY DREAMS YOU GET TO SEE ALL OF THE UGLY PARTS OF ME.
GUTS AND BLOOD AND MUSCLE AND BONE.
AND I’M TALKING TO YOU IN A DEAD LANGUAGE.
MY WORLD IS UNFAMILIAR AND EMPTY.
ROTTEN AND TENDER.
BUT I HOPE THE DIRT THEY LAY ON TOP OF YOU IS SOFT LIKE LAMB’S EAR AND YOUR FAVORITE T-SHIRT.
I HOPE IT SMELLS LIKE RAIN.
YOU KNOW THAT FEELING YOU GET WHEN YOU’RE FIVE YEARS OLD AND YOUR BROTHER PUSHES YOU SO HIGH
ON THE SWINGSET YOU START TO FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY REACH HEAVEN?
I FELT THAT TODAY.
I SPENT THE WEEKEND LOCKED UP INSIDE MY BEDROOM
MAKING UP NEW WAYS TO KILL GOD
AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THAT MAKES ME FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL
OR IF I JUST MAKE IT ALL UP BECAUSE I
THINK IM SUPPOSED TO FEEL SOMETHING.
I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO A MEETING
BUT I GOT DRUNK AT THE COLLEGE INSTEAD.
AND I SAT AT THE BUS STOP BY MYSELF.
AND I TOOK THE BUS HOME ALL BY MYSELF.
SOMETIMES I WISH YOU KNEW EVEY SONG I KNOW
I USED TO BE A TEENAGE WASTELAND
AND I THINK A PART OF ME DIED WHEN I WAS NINETEEN.
BACK AGAINST THE WALL IN THE APARTMENT ON CENTRAL STREET.
STRUNG OUT IN THE PARKING GARAGE.
PICKED UP BY THE WINDS OF A HURRICANE AND
STREWN ALL DOWN TAYLOR ROAD.
AND SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE MY SOUL IS ROTTING SOMEWHERE INSIDE ME.
NOW I’M JUST OLD AND TIRED.
I’M ALL WASHED UP AND BORED.
BUT I KNOW THAT FIREY VERSION OF MYSELF STILL EXISTS.
I KNOW SHE’S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
I’M TRYING SO HARD TO GET HER BACK.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I’VE NEVER BEEN A QUITTER.
took some time off... will return tmrw.
WHEN IS IT MY TURN?
I TOOK THE TRAIN TO MY PARENTS HOUSE LAST NIGHT.
MY MOM GAVE ME A BIG UGLY FAUX FUR COAT
THAT SHE BOUGHT AT KOHLS FOR FIVE NINETY NINE.
SHE GAVE ME A PAIR OF HER OLD MARY JANES TOO.
SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO SLEEP IN HER BED WITH HER.
SHE’S NEVER ASKED THAT BEFORE.
AND I WONDER IF SHE KNOWS I’M GETTING SICK.
I WONDER IF MOTHERS HAVE A WAY OF JUST KNOWING THESE THINGS.
AND MY GRANDMAL SAID MY NEW LIPSTICK LOOKED PRETTY ON ME.
SHE SLEEPS IN OUR LIVING ROOM NOW
AND I THINK IT DRIVES MOM CRAZY.
AND PART OF ME WONDERS IF SHE UNDERSTANDS AGAIN,
JUST HOW HARD IT CAN BE TO LOVE YOUR MOTHER SOMETIMES.
I DROVE JUDES CAR AROUND GARDNER.
I BARRELLED DOWN RT. 2 WITH BOTH THE WINDOWS DOWN
SCREAMING ALONG TO A CD I LOVED WHEN I WAS FOURTEEN.
THIS STORY IS OLD, BUT IT GOES ON...
I THINK I DROVE PAST YOUR MOMS OLD HOUSE ONE HUNDRED TIMES
AND I TOOK FLOWERS TO MACK’S GRAVE JUST CUZ SHE ASKED ME TO.
I PARKED THE CAR AT THE AIRPORT AND CLIMBED ON TOP OF IT.
I WROTE A SONG ABOUT YR HAIRCUT.
KAREN WASHED MY HAIR AND DUG HER NAILS INTO MY SCALP
AND WE LISTENED TO MAZZY STAR
AND WE TALKED ABOUT MY APARTMENT, AND MY LOVE LIFE, AND SHE ASKED IF
I’D EVER COME BACK HOME FOR GOOD.
JUDE HAD ME PEEL POTATOES FOR SUPPER
AND SHE TOLD ME TO GO BUY HER A PACK OF MISTYS AND A POWERBALL TICKET.
SHE LET ME PICK THE NUMBERS THIS TIME
07, 21, 56, 29, 47 // 07
I BOUGHT NEW UNDERWEAR ONLINE TODAY.
I DIDN’T THINK OF YOU AT ALL.
AND I SAW A DEAD BUNNY RABBIT OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY.
IT LOOKED LIKE IT GOT ITS LITTLE NECK STUCK UNDERNEATH THE FENCE.
A DRIED UP VERMILLION POOL OF BLOOD AND GUTS ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK.
IT’S NOTHING I HAVEN’T SEEN BEFORE.
I DIDN’T THINK OF YOU AT ALL.
AND I SAW A DEAD BUNNY RABBIT OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY.
IT LOOKED LIKE IT GOT ITS LITTLE NECK STUCK UNDERNEATH THE FENCE.
A DRIED UP VERMILLION POOL OF BLOOD AND GUTS ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK.
IT’S NOTHING I HAVEN’T SEEN BEFORE.
I FEEL LIKE IM HITTING A WALL.
MY HEAD HURTS ALL THE TIME NOW.
AND WHEN IT RAINS THE STREET I LIVE ON SMELLS JUST LIKE MY JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL.
I’M MISSING HOME A LOT. WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
MY BABY COUSIN CALLED THE OTHER DAY TO LET ME KNOW SHE FLIPPED HER CAR
OVER THE SIDE OF GREENBRIAR ON HER WAY TO SCHOOL.
IT’S AN EVIL, EVIL ROAD - GREENBRAIR.
IT’S THE KIND OF ROAD THATS ALWAYS MAKING UP NEW WAYS TO TWIST AND TURN AND IT ALWAYS ENDS WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT TO END.
AND THE DEER FLY INTO YOUR WINDSHIELD LIKE BUGS.
ALL I WANT IS TO BE ON THE BANK OF THE OHIO RIVER.
BAREFOOT WITH MY JEANS ROLLED UP TO MY KNEES, LOOKIN’ FOR ARROWHEADS AND FISHBONES.
MY COUSINS RUN DOWN THE ROAD AFTER ME CALLING MY NAME. WE WALK BACK UP TO THE HOUSE FOR SUPPER.
MY UNCLE FRIES CATFISH AND OKRA AND MY DAD PUTS DOWN A 6PK OF COORS LIKE ITS WATER. JAMES RIVER BLUES IS PLAYING SOFTLY ON A RADIO SOMEWHERE. I CAN’T TELL IF IT’S COMING FROM THE TRUCK OR FROM THE HOUSE.
PAW TELLS ME TO GO GET HIS PHONE OUT THE TRUCK. A SHOTGUN ACROSS THE BACKSEAT AND A .44 IN THE GLOVEBOX. THE SMELL OF MENTHOLS BURNT INTO ALL MY CLOTHES. AND A SUNBURN BRINGS OUT THE FRECKLES ON MY FACE.
MY HEART IS BROKEN CUZ MY SPIRIT’S NOT FREE, LORD TAKE AWAY THESE CHAINS FROM ME
SPENDING SOME TIME IN THE LIBRARY TODAY. GOING THRU MY NOTEBOOKS.
SOMETHING OLD FROM THE WINTER //
IN A DREAM I PULL MY CROOKED TEETH OUT ONE BY ONE. IT’S LIKE A FUCKED UP MOUNTAIN RANGE INSIDE MY MOUTH. I PULL MY FATHERS CROOKED TEETH OUT TOO. 64 ENAMEL TWINS.
I PUKE UP ALL MY GUTS.
YOU EVER PUKE SO MUCH YOU DONT HAVE NOTHIN ELSE TO PUKE UP? AND ALL THAT BLACK SHIT COMES UP YOUR THROAT FROM THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH? YOU EVER PUKE SO HARD YOUR TEETH FALL OUT? MIKEY SAID THAT HAPPENED TO HIM ONCE.
I HARDLY BELIEVE THAT.
MIKEY BROKE HIS WRIST PUNCHING OUT A CAR WINDOW. HE SAID HIS MONEY WAS IN THERE.
I HARDLY BELIEVE THAT EITHER.
HE WAS A SKID. HE WAS ACTUALLY LIKE FUCKED IN THE HEAD. HE USED TO STEAL FROM US TOO. BUT HE WAS SUCH A SWEET KID I DIDN’T EVEN REALLY CARE.
YOU WERE LIKE THAT TOO.
AND ONE TIME I WAS TALKING TO YOUR GRANDMA ABOUT YOU, WHEN WE WERE SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR IN THE LIVING ROOM AND SHE WAS SLEEPING JUST A FEW FEET AWAY FROM US ON THE COUCH.
“THAT BOY COULD CHARM THE DEVIL”
AND IT WAS REALLY TRUE.
A LITTLE TOO CLOSE, BUT I PRETENDED I DIDN’T NOTICE. HE TAPPED MY SHOULDER AND SAID “MISS? DID YOU KNOW EASTER IS THIS SUNDAY? DID YOU KNOW YOU DONT GOTTA WORRY ABOUT GODS SON COMIN’ BACK THIS YEAR?
CUZ HE ALREADY DID.
HE’S YOU.
AND HE’S ME.
AND HE’S EVERY PERSON IN THIS WHOLE GOD-BE-DAMMNED WORLD.
NO ONE WANTS TO GIVE ME A DOLLAR.
NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK UP AT MY FACE.
BUT I LOVE YOU, AND I LOVE ALL THE OTHER BASTARDS IN THE WORLD.”
AND I BELIEVED HIM.
I FISHED THROUGH MY PURSE FOR CASH, BUT ALL I COULD GIVE WAS A GRANOLA BAR AND TWO CIGARETTES.
HE TOLD ME I SHOULD GO TO CHURCH THIS SUNDAY. I SAID I WILL, BUT I DONT KNOW IF I WILL.
IT’S BEEN A WHILE.
THE TRAIN CAME AND I GOT ON BUT HE STAYED THERE ON THE BENCH.
PROBABLY TO TALK TO ANOTHER JESUS.
I WATCHED HIM FROM THE WINDOW AS THE TRAIN PULLED INTO THE TUNNEL.
AND LATER THAT NIGHT I ENDED UP AT ANOTHER TRAIN STATION. THIS TIME I WAS WAITING FOR THE BUS.
AND I WATCHED TWO PIGEONS KISS AND CLEAN EACH OTHER,
I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THEY KNEW HOW TO DO THAT.
TODAY I WENT BACK TO A MIDDLE SCHOOL I USED TO WORK AT. SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.
I SAT ON THE RADIATOR.
A STUDENT I TAUGHT TWO SEMESTERS AGO CAME INTO THE CLASSROOM
SHE WRAPPED HER SKINNY ARMS AROUND MY RIBCAGE.
THE CLASSROOM SMELLED LIKE HOT CHIPS AND SWEET PERFUME.
“IZIE I THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN”
AND IT WASN’T SAD, BUT IT BROKE MY HEART IN TWO.
LIKE OTHER THINGS.
THESE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS HAVE BEEN TOUGH. THERE ARE GOOD THINGS HAPPENING ALL AROUND ME BUT IT’S BEEN HARD TO SEE THEM.
AND I’VE BEEN REMEMBERING MY DREAMS AGAIN.
BY THE TIME I WAKE UP THEY FEEL LIKE YEARS AWAY FROM ME.
LIKE A SHIP ON SOME STANGE HORIZON.
BUT LATELY THEY’VE BEEN LINGERING IN MY DOORWAY, SITTING AT MY DESK.
WEARING MY SHOES.
AND IN A DREAM LAST NIGHT YOU SAVED YOUR NUMBER INTO MY PHONE.
YOU SAT ON THE CURB TOO CLOSE TO ME,
LIKE YOU USUALLY DO.
AND YOU ASKED IF I WAS EVEN INTO YOU.
I JUST LAUGHED.
THE OTHER DAY I HAD A DREAM I HAD TAKEN THE TRAIN TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE
AND I SNUCK IN THROUGH A SCREEN DOOR WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS SLEEPING
I SLEPT IN YOUR BED.
THERE WERE MOLDY APPLE CORES ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND CRUSHED ENERGY DRINKS ON THE DESK.
IT SMELLED LIKE MY FIRST BOYFRIEND’S BEDROOM, CHEAP COLOGNE AND UNWASHED HAIR.
THERE WERE NO SHADES OR CURTAINS ON THE WINDOWS.
AND IN THE MORNING YOUR BROTHER FOUND ME
HALF NAKED IN THE KITCHEN FRYING EGGS AND BACON.
I LOST SOMETHING YESTERDAY.
I WATCHED A MOVIE I LOVED WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. THEN I REMEMBERED I USED TO BE A LITTLE GIRL.
HOW COULD HAVE I FORGOTTEN?
BEFORE BED I TALKED TO THE MOON FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE. AND I SLEPT WITH MY CARDS UNDER MY PILLOW, JUST LIKE I USED TO.
AND TOADAY I WOKE UP BEFORE DAWN. AND I WATCHED THE BLUE COLOR CHANGE
IN THE SKY THE WAY IT ONLY DOES EARLY IN THE MORNING.
I GOT IN THE SHOWER AND I BRUSHED MY TEETH AND I TIED MY SHOES.
AND I WALKED MYSELF TO THE BUS STOP.
I WENT TO WORK. I WRAPPED A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR A FRIEND.
I LISTENED TO THE SAME SONG SIX TIMES IN A ROW.
AND NOW I’M TRYING TO REMEMBER THAT NOTHING EVER REALLY DIES.
I’M NOT REALLY THE KIND OF BIRD THAT CAN BE CAGED.
NEVER HAVE BEEN.
AND SOMEHOW I ALWAYS END UP IN A CAGE.
TODAY I CHECKED OUT A FEW DVDS FROM THE LIBRARY.
AND I TALKED TO MY FRIEND RILEY FOR ALMOST THREE HOURS STRAIGHT.
ABOUT TEACHING, AND NERVOUSNESS, AND ABOUT BOYS, AND ABOUT HERION.
I TRIED TO SEE THE CHRISTIAN WALKER SHOW AT SMFA BUT SHE FOUND ME THERE.
AND IT WAS LIKE THE MOST PERFECT ACCIDENT.
WE SAT ON A BENCH IN FRONT OF A MOVIE WE WERE MEANT TO BE WATCHING, BUT I WATCHED HER INSTEAD.
HER EYES, HER MOUTH, THE FRAYED EDGE OF HER SWEATER.
AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR WE WALKED BACK TO SCHOOL.
WE WALKED AROUND TO FIND A PLACE TO SIT AND SHIT-TALK FOR WHAT FELT LIKE FOREVER.
AND THEN WE JUST TALKED. AND IT WAS JUST US. IN A HALLWAY. AT A TABLE. IN A SECRET PLACE ON CAMPUS ONLY WE KNEW.
AND IT WAS LIKE WE WERE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
MY FRIEND PICKED ME UP FROM SCHOOL IN HIS CAR AND WE WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET.
I GOT SOUR CANDY AND A BOTTLE OF WINE.
AND THEN WHEN I GOT HOME I CLEANED MY ROOM AND DRANK MY BOTTLE OF WINE.PURPLE MOON, CHARDONNAY.
AND I PUT MY LAUNDRY AWAY AND DANCED AROUND MY ROOM TO
AN ALBUM I LOVED WHEN I WAS IN THE EIGHTH GRADE.
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL TO//EVERYONE AROUND YOU//THE ONLY REASON FOR THE PUSH UPS//IS THE FACT I KNOW I CANT SUPPORT YOU//
I TOOK A WALK THROUGH MY NEIGHBORHOOD TODAY
I SAW BLUE AND PURPLE FLOWERS POP UP RIGHT OUT OF THE GROUND
BEHIND CHAIN LINKED FENCES AND IN SCHOOLYARDS
I SAW A POOL OF DRIED UP VOMIT ON THE SIDEWALK
IT DIDN’T MAKE ME FEEL ANYTHING.
THE MEN IN DULL YELLOW VESTS SWEAR THAT MY TWENTY DOLLARS COULD
END GUN VIOLENCE IN AMERICA.
AND MY GRANDMAL CALLED ME ON THE PHONE THIS MORNING. 10:01 AM.
“WERE YOU SLEEPIN’ SWEET GIRL?”
I BEEN THINKING ABOUT A GREAT REVERSAL. WHAT WAS WILL BE WHAT IS AGAIN.
AND I LOVE JIMI HENDRIX.
AND GOD DIED SO I COULD PAY ALMOST SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS TO
LISTEN TO JIMI HENDRIX IN MY OWN BEDROOM
AND SO THAT I COULD SET MY OWN BED TIME.
AND GOD DIED SO I COULD MISS YOU SOMETIMES BUT NOT ALL THAT OFTEN.
GOD MADE THE SUMMER OF TWENTY NINETEEN CRUEL AND SWEET AND HOT AND UGLY.
AND YOU USED TO PLAY THIS SONG IN MY CAR ALL THE TIME.
TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT FROM ME/LITTLE WING.
MY NAME IS IZ//HALL. MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS [REDACTED].
I WAS BORN ON THE SEVENTH OF JUNE, 2001 UNDER A FULL MOON IN CAPRICORN.
IVE ALWAYS BEEN LUCKY.
IM LIKE DIRTY UGLY GREASY FAST AND LOUD AND ARROGANT
IN-YOUR-FACE-BEHIND-A-KEYBOARD HIDEOUS FUCKED UP
NO GOOD SCUMBAG JERKOFF FREELOADER
BAD TEETH AND A FUCKED UP HAIRCUT
I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TELL IT LIKE IT IS.
IM FROM GARDNER.
IM FROM BOSTON.
IM FROM CINCINNATI OHIO.
I ALMOST NEVER KNOW WHATS GOING ON.
THE YOUNGEST DAUGHTER.
IM ALWAYS AT THE BUS STOP.
AND I THINK I’VE SEEN YOU TOUCH THE BACK OF YOUR NECK FORTY THOUSAND TIMES TONIGHT.
I WAS BAPTIZED AT CRANSTON MEMORIAL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH IN NEW RICHMOND, OHIO
IN THE SPRING OF 2004.
MY GRANDMAL USED TO HAVE A HOUSE DOWN BY THE RIVER ABOUT EIGHT MILES AWAY FROM THERE.
IT GOT HIT BY A TORNADO ONE TIME.
THE WIND WHIPPED AND THRASHED AND TOOK UP THE ROOF ALONG WITH IT AS IT WENT THROUGH MOSCOW.
I USED TO LIVE IN A OLD BLUE FARM HOUSE. 4207 TAYLOR ROAD.
LAST SUMMER I SAW A KID CARRYING A CROSS THROUGH THE VILLAGE OF BATAVIA.
GETTIN’ CRUCIFIED AT THE UDF.
THEY PUT NEW SIDING UP AFTER MOM LOST THE HOUSE. WHEN YOU PUT
LIPSTICK ON A PIG IT’S STILL A PIG.
IT AINT LIKE IT WAS BUT MY OLD DOG IS STILL BURIED IN THE YARD.
YOU USED TO KNOW THIS PLACE. I USED TO KNOW IT, TOO. ITS ALL BURNED AND TWISTED.
ITS ALL DEAD AND GONE.
BUT IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES SOMETIMES YOU CAN STILL SEE IT.
AND IF YOU HIT YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE PAVEMENT HARD ENOUGH YOU CAN STILL FEEL HOW IT FELT.
HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU SCRAPE THE CONCRETE, TEAR THE MUSCLE, BREAK THE BONE?
THERE’S A DULL LIGHT AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY.
I NAMED IT AFTER YOU.
ITS UGLY ON THE OUTSIDE. UGLY ON THE INSIDE TOO.
AND IF YOU EVER GET THAT NEEDLE OUT OF YOUR ARM YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTIME.